Feeling abit sickly when i woke up this morning.. but still dragged myself to work.. but b4 i left my house, my tummy feel wierd wierd liao.. so i went to do "big business" before leaving for work.. on e way to work, tummy dun feel gd.. think ate too much tom yam n oily stuff yesterday.. but nevertheless i reach office...

tht it's going to be a brand new start of the cycle.. but shit.. really shit.. it's a bad bad start... Was really anxious to noe abt me test results cos i wanted very much to take e sept exam.. anone sane would want an extra chance and clear watever exam they hv right?? n i am one of them.. if i hv e capability to do it in sept.. then y not? Though my instuctor had told me that i had pass n that he had recommended me, but all these yr in this organisation taught me that nth is confirm unless it's stated in black n white... so i ask my pc for e results.. "Dun see e results.. later i'll brief u all" was e reply i get... immediately, my heart sank n i knew something bad was coming.. n indeed... they are not going to see e results n determined who will be sitting for e sept paper... instead they are looking at the yrs of service in e organisation... WTF!!!!!????!!!! if that's e case, wat for gave us false hope that as long as we do well for e test, we can sit for e sept paper... WTF???? no doubt doing well is for our own gd.. but do u know that thinking that e chance of sitting e sept paper encourages us to work even harder too?? we all wanna get it over and done with.. we all wanted e chance.. n i can say we all deserved the chance too... but WTF is all these?? No chance at all cos we r still junior.. so why ask us to study now when we are still junior?? y dun e organisation all let us study when we are more critical?? this does not justify wat e organisation is doing.. Work hard so that we can hv a chance to sit for e exam.. we worked hard.. but WHERE e HELL is e chance?? E organisation rather let those who fish care take than us.. is this fair?? IS THIS FISHING FAIR??? i very very pissed off with all these now... forgive me for using all these uncivilise words... cos i am really very pissed off... If by pushing myself so hard to pass each n every test is so taken for granted.. i dun see e point to do well... no doubt u told me not to go to e negative side.. but.. everyone has a limit... if i'm being pushed to a corner.. i dunno what i will do... i dun wish to lose faith now.. but i just can see any end to this tunnel now.. let alone light... i just hope those who got e chance to take e sept paper will grip tightly to e opportunity... cos not everyone can be as lucky as u... dun let e opportunity slip away... n as for those who got in without even passin e test.. PLS.. PLS for goddness sake show n prove to me that i am wrong.. Prove to me that u pple can do it... n i am not wasting my slot for u pple!!!!!!

Deep inside i still hope that there's still chance for me to sit for e sept paper... but i noe e chances are slim... very very slim... for those who think u r my frens.. pls pray for me.. pray that i can see e end of the tunnel, pray that i will not lose my faith... pray that i can still carry on...... thank you.